a trip in charismania

For 2 ½ years I was involved in a healing room ministry under the International Association of Healing Rooms by Cal Pierce and before him, John G. Lake.  There are 1,000+ healing rooms throughout the world at my last notice.  Bill Johnson, Senior Pastor of Bethel Church in Redding CA is on their board of directors.

I became involved with them knowing there was a power of God stronger than what I was seeing in my church and because I truly wanted to help other people. Much of what they did was new to me, but I wrote it off thinking they knew more than I did about the word of God and one day it would make better sense to me as I learned. For the last year I was known as their “intercessor” and the last six months their Associate Director.

After I took the leadership position I started to really think about some of their methods and teachings such as word of faith, which means our words having the power to create, that we could actually speak things into existence, teaching about generational curses, Christian curses, word curses, soul ties, authority, and a whole mess of other weird stuff.

Before I was involved with them I had started taking mail correspondence courses through Ken Hagin’s Rhema.  I had also been an online intercessor for Cindy Jacobs’ 40 days of prayer and fasting that took place several years ago.  I remember my parent’s involvement in the charismatic long ago even though it was slight and short lived, and how they often had Praise the Lord playing on the TV.  Whenever I went to their house I got a little bit of the lies and so little by little, and even though I was not walking with the Lord, it sunk in.

When I came back to the Lord after 30 years or so, I had that PTL and Jesus Movement stuff in my head, thinking it was all good and true. (I was originally saved when I was 9 years old. We attended a little Baptist Church, which my grand parents also did.)  When the Jesus Movement hit, we got it too and the entire church changed. Some time later the church fell apart and the youth became so angry that we just turned from God.)

Some time ago when I was still very new to the healing rooms I was given a word that I was a seer.  I had asked the Lord for this gift, because I was told you could do that.  No one knew about this and so when I received that prophecy I was astounded.  He said, “The Lord calls you a seer”.  Quite a bit of that prophecy was about writing down the dreams and visions and allowing others to help me understand them and how this is such a vital gift to the Body of Christ, and that I could be kicked out of churches and misunderstood, blah, blah. But, I believed this word and held it close to my heart as I felt I finally found my purpose in life!  (The seer/prophetic gift has been the hardest for me to come to terms with after having come out of all the falseness!)

After that word I learned about John Paul Jackson and was happy to pay him tons of money to teach me to interpret dreams and visions and learn about all the whacky supernatural stuff we were created to do.  Truly, I had a very hard time with his teachings, but again, I wanted to learn. I thought I was going to him to learn how to biblically interpret, but instead it was his own method, which is based on lies.  He also endorses, encourages and experiences many out of body and throne room trips to the “third” heaven.

I was involved in reading the Elijah List constantly and yes, I went to see Kim Clement a couple of times. The first time he prophesied about my brother and had the whole building praying for him. I was an extremely powerful night and convinced me Kim was a true prophet, how else could he know all that he did about someone he has never met?

Shortly after this time I was invited to join the prophetic team at the Vineyard church I started attending with my husband about a year before. I was involved in learning the prophetic and going on retreats, giving word after word after word.  On these trips you were eating, sleeping or giving words – nothing else!  For instance say 60 people would be attending and only 3 or 4 of us were on the team, from the math you can see the demand because every one was supposed to get a word!

So, last October during intercession with the healing room team I just seemed to have run into this very ugly thing, like I hit a wall.  I could no longer pray with them or for them and I no longer wanted to.  Earlier in the summer I began researching things on the internet. I had spoken out against Todd Bentley; I could see his folly but not my own!  I wanted to know what had been going on and where it had all come from.  Not just Bentley’s but the healing rooms and the whole prophetic – charismatic thing.  And, I wanted to know what God had to say about it all.

Once I started to read I could not stop.  I stayed at my computer as much as I could – day and night.  I found stories and blogs and videos and free on line books full of teaching. As soon as one question was answered I would have another and then another. I desperately needed to understand the whole latter rain mess and who was behind it and what I had gotten myself into.  I secretly hoped I was okay, that none of my teachers or the things I belonged to was false.

The truth to me was shocking.  It was like a nightmare and there were times I thought I would literally die.  But, I kept reading.  I was so afraid at times, afraid to pray that I would say the wrong thing, or I would hear that other voice, not of God’s.  Then I started to remember my dreams.  For 2 years God was trying to tell me in my dreams about the deceit, but I could not understand them at the time.  They made no sense to me.  Its like after I made the decision to find the truth the lights started coming on and I started to see what I could not before.

I resigned from the healing rooms last October ‘08 and we left our Vineyard church this past January ‘09. We met with our pastors earlier last fall to discuss some of our concerns but it was to no avail.  Coming out of this was not easy for me.  I was angry.  I was shocked. I was alone. There were days that I did not know what to do. I went through a time of not trusting and not wanting to trust others, a time of not wanting to attend church. However, my husband thought we should at least try some out, and in his wisdom we have found one that we do like. The teaching is very sound and the people are very friendly and genuine. I had my days of tears and days of agonizing repentance once I realized what I had done. And now I see God in that role of l-o-n-g—s-u-f-f-e-r-i-n-g!

A few weeks ago I sat down and started to put in writing what I had been learning.  I have never read the bible more in my life or the commentaries, and never has it made as much sense as it has these past few weeks! Recently, I sent it out to the entire healing rooms team, a few friends at church and family. It addressed curses, manifestations, the Holy Spirit, impartations and supernatural experiences in the biblical sense. It was hard to send and I knew I could lose friendships, and I have so few.  But the thought of them in deception and possibly going to hell; and in knowing Jesus too was rejected by so many is what made up my mind. I thought of the warning that Ezekiel was given that if he did not their blood would be on his hands. I can’t have that! I have done enough damage!

I have to tell you that now I am free, I feel so much freedom and joy and I realize I used to feel this way. I no longer have that oppressive, something is always wrong, need to “intercede” and battle in the spirit feeling.  I no longer experience that “other voice” or that strange and uncomfortable presence over me.

The things I used to like to do, the true gifts God gave me that seem to have disappeared, have been returning to me like long lost friends.

Whatever God is leading you to in this hour, go there, do it. Don’t be afraid.  Yes, you will more than likely suffer rejection as you speak the truth and so do I.  More importantly, so did Jesus and He is the reason we have hope!

There are so many of us who have been deceived, but now we know the way out.  Our experiences, our prayers and determination will help bring others out too. Jesus is the good shepherd; he left the crowd to go after the one that was lost. We are not alone.

Who knows what God will do with what we have learned?

Note:  I don’t blame a particular person or group for the deceitful practices and teachings I became involved in.  I take full responsiblity for what I exposed myself to. I am very thankful the Lord got me out of it. He is faithful and true.