My Return…I’m back

It was never my intention to be away, but things happen. I’ve had some changes in my life and will still have more, big ones.

I was amazed at the amount of comments waiting for me. I do apologize for the delay in posting and in responding. If you are new, I normally do not…roll that way… πŸ™‚ Life happens. Sadly, I am also amazed at the amount of people affirming false teachers and practices tho I have spoken the truth, repeatedly shown error, and urged personal research.Β 


Surely, you have bibles. Do you still not see?


For those of you who do, thank you for your contributions. God bless you.Β 

36 thoughts on “My Return…I’m back

  1. Wow, am I having trouble and do I wish someone here can help! I have been at the crossroad of confusion for months now, beginning with an averted suicide. I’m absolutely convinced that God stopped me and he placed me on a path of change. That’s good. But this comes in the midst of the extremely painful, traumatic loss of nearly everything I hold dear in my life. I have some very malicious people who wield control over me, who are trying to make my situation far worse than it already is.

    So. I have a certain awareness that God has been actively involved in helping me through this crisis, yet every time I arrive at a point where I feel almost comfortable, I’m CRUSHED. Here’s where you folks come in: I have a couple of relatives who have been helping me spiritually, but one of them has stepped in and sent me on the path to spiritual warfare. One person is telling me that every time I feel comfortable, Satan is stepping up his attack — crushing me — to make me feel doubtful about my faith. I can understand that this may be the case and to be blunt: it hasn’t so much made me doubtful about my faith so much as angry at God for allowing this knife to be twisted over and over again. I’m not experiencing a crisis of faith so much as a crisis of love/anger.

    Another person has taken the concept of Satan’s attacks a step further by suggesting this is spiritual warfare, and that I should read Tony Evans’ book, Victory in Spiritual Warfare. I bought it and started reading it, only to find that the entire book is based on one section in one chapter in Ephesians. Just when I felt as though I may be able to took spiritual control of the situation, I became extremely skeptical and helpless. My suspicions were confirmed when I found this site.

    My predicament is very immediate and I don’t feel as though I have the time to go on a tangent of discovery. I feel more helpless than ever, as this false hope of control has been wrested from me. Complicating this problem is the fact that I’ve sought help from pastors from various churches and I haven’t found anyone who’s interested in helping.

    Any sort of comment, guidance, or encouragement would be appreciated!

    Is anyone here willing to help?


  2. Lost,

    “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” (James 4:7-8)

    Jesus Christ is the Word of God made flesh. You come near to Him by simply crying out in faith, asking for His help, and then picking up your Bible and spending time at His feet. You believe that God protected you and kept you from self-harm. He also brought you to this sight to confirm some well-intentioned, but bad teachings that run counter to His Word. So He is helping you, maybe more than you know. Trust in that.

    I don’t believe you are “Lost”, you just need some time to get to know that LORD who is saving you out of this darkness. Don’t doubt His power to help you. Start with the Gospels, and don’t look back. Fill yourself with His Word. If you don’t understand something, ask Him in prayer.

    We cling to Jesus Christ by clinging to His Word and believing what He says. And nothing can separate us from Him….

    Praying for you….


  3. Dear lost,
    I’ve been praying for you. I’m sorry you are having to go thru this, but perhaps I shouldn’t be—–because for all we know, this trial could be God’s mercy upon you. His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts. What we think is so painful, may actually be God’s mercy. God knows what’s best for us. Read Job 37:13
    Try to think of it like this. We naturally think it would be terrible to have broken legs, but if we found out God allowed it so that our neck wouldn’t be broken, we’d actually learn to be thankful for broken legs.
    There’s never a reason to be angry with God. He is good and all His ways are righteousness. But we are not good and God must show us that we must depend on Him. Jesus is our only hope of righteousness. Submit to God and whatever He wants to bring you thru and place your hope in Jesus’ righteousness on your behalf, so you can be reconciled to God.
    I’ll keep praying for you


  4. @ Lost, I don’t usually give advice via blogs. There’s no way I can know the specifics of your situation, but something in your post got my attention; the way you said “this false hope of control has been wrested from me” is very telling. You have hit the nail on the head with modern spiritual warfare teachings: it becomes an all consuming game of control (or I should say the illusion of control), trying to figure out what the devil is doing and how WE can counterattack. The problem with this is that it diverts our attention from the Lord Jesus, and over time, causes us to be drained of hope and trust in His nearness and care for us.

    Not to say the scriptures do not teach about the battle over our lives, but just1ofhis quoted James and it is very good at keeping us on track in times of struggle. We resist the devil by saying “No” to his temptations, not by yelling or declaring or trying to figure out what he is up to.

    The Lord Jesus knows His own. He does not leave us as orphans. He does not play favorites- these promises are as much yours as anyone else’s if you have put your faith in Him.

    Jesus told his followers we could have peace in the midst of trouble. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

    Jesus, while on the earth, prayed for all of us as recorded in John 17 “My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. 17 Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. 18 As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. 19 For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

    20 β€œMy prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are oneβ€” 23 I in them and you in meβ€”so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”

    I know it may be hard, and I don’t point you to scripture as some quick fix handed out coldly. I truly believe it is what we need in times of trouble. I don’t think it is any mistake that the Lord Himself mentions sanctification by the truth in relation to trouble and protection. The truth renews our minds, and gives us strength.

    I pray you will have wisdom in the things you face.


    • untangling, very well written. We can’t stress enough the importance of following the bible above and beyond anything else. Spiritual warfare tactics have been foolishly devised by men based on false doctrine and PRIDE. How often we forget our faith is simple and to rest on the promises of God, the focus being on who He is, His power and might. This thinking will bring much peace. Christ said we would have tribulation, but He has overcome it.

      Lost, (which you are not) I hope you are reading. πŸ™‚

      Thank you.


      • This is written to Found: Remember the hymn: Amazing Grace:
        Amazing Grace, How sweet the Sound,
        That saved a wretch like me!
        I once was Lost, but now am Found,
        Was blind, but now I see!!!

        If you are truly Lost, you indicate that you are not a Christian, and need to repent and throw yourself on His mercy, Him dying to save you from your own evilness.
        As you rest in Him, you are no longer either a wretch any longer,
        or Lost any longer!!!
        But now in Him you are Found!!!
        He searched very hard, and Found you!
        All praise, honour, and glory be unto Him alone!
        For He alone is worthy!!!


  5. Hi M’Kayla. Yes, I’m reading every word and taking it in. I’m very touched by the concern and I’m eager to accept the help. There have been hints about not knowing much about my situation, so I’ll just add a couple of things: I have what’s called an “Invisible Illness”. The invisible part is nice in that it allows me to live a social life without the stigma that people place on illnesses. It’s bad though, because it allows people to judge you when you can’t perform as you used to. This is what my wife did when I could no longer provide my income (she had the potential to make more than both of us put together BTW, so it wasn’t as though we had to go without). Her solution was an affair with a man who makes a lot of money, and divorce. I was (and still am) utterly devastated and broken-hearted. Everything I was and everyone I knew was tied into her side of the family and I’ve been left very, very much alone and broke. Like I said before, this situation has led me to God in a way I never was before, but it’s very much a crash-course in faith, hope, and patience, and the latter two are not very high on my list of attributes at this time. People tell me to “just” submit and put Jesus 1st and stop thinking about my family so much (I haven’t been allowed to speak with my children for months), as though this is a simple thing to do when you’ve lost someone you love so dearly.

    I’m sorry to sort of hijack your thread here, but I’m very thankful to those who’ve been kind enough to share their time and thoughts with me.


    • Lost, which you are not – πŸ™‚
      My heart goes out to you, and my tears. I can relate to some of what you are going thru, minus the illness. I understand the personal loss which you have described and understand what that does to us. And yes, there is much heartache and for a very long time. Remember, there is a time for everything. There is a time now to grieve, and one day there will be a time to rejoice. And thru Christ that day of rejoicing will come.

      We weep with those who weep. Again, you are not alone. I will be praying for you.


    • Lost…can we rename you say…”Overcomer? Or “Soon To Be Joyous” or “Losing the Bad to Make Room for the Good?” πŸ™‚ I want you to know you are in my prayers. “God will make a way, where there seems to be no way.” I was thinking today about Joseph and all he went through. I thought if anyone ever had a reason to be bitter and to think God had forsaken him…it had to be Joseph. I mean his story just seems to keep getting worse. But Joseph believed what God said about his plans for him. I have no doubt that Satan spent a great deal of time telling Joseph God didn’t care about him. I am just learning to take every thought captive and make them line up to God’s word. It is changing my life. I am coming upon some challenges in the next few months to really put my thinking to the test. It is difficult when circumstances don’t seem to line up to what God is saying. You have made some friends here and I have no doubt others are praying for you also. Please keep us updated and let us know how we can help you.


      • We need to keep reminding ourselves and turning to the scriptures that describe the suffering of believers throughout the bible and of course the suffering Christ went thru for our salvation. We have been so steeped one way or the other in what is Word of Faith that we came to the unfortunate belief we somehow deserve better than they. We do not.


  6. Hi M’Kayla,

    I just graduated from the first year program at Bethel’s School of Supernatural Ministry. The whole experience for me was just plain weird and I feel like my faith was pretty shaken. I was wondering if you knew of any forums of ex “bethelites”, or former WOF believers so I can process some of the things I experienced while I was there.




    • Chris, you are in good company here. While I didn’t graduate from Bethel anything, most everything I believed is from the same roots – WOF, supernatural, dreams and visions, the false prophetic, false healing movement of the International Assoc of Healing Rooms, SOZO (trained minister), and was regarded as a “seer prophet”. My gurus included Bill Johnson, Cal Pierce, Bob Jones, John Paul Jackson, Bobby Conner, Cindy Jacobs and Paul Keith Davis.

      Once I realized the horror of what I had become entangled with, God led me out. It was a horrific experience. But He was with me and began to teach me truth thru His word. This is the reason for my blog. You will also find other blogs with similar experiences on my sidebar. But like I said, many of the people who comment here have been thru it.

      Praise God He is showing you TRUTH! Feel free to bounce your thoughts off us. πŸ™‚


  7. HI Chris your experiences first hand are so valuable to those who have many many questions – particularly about Bethel & also about latter rain theology on which the crazy stuff comes out of

    Mkaylas blog here is absolutely choc full of helpful info — if you post to process your journey out of BSSM – there are plenty of contributors who will gladly pray for you & share their hearts… I did this very thing through this blog in the beginning..

    we have a uk blog – (just click on my name & it should take you there) as the presentation of all of this to us here has invaded every charismatic church at some level… Bethel is very definately the shopfront – NAR is marketed through them along with Revival Alliance.

    anything you can share that brings clarity – helps other people as in similar ways they are struggling with all of this too… but dont feel they could ever go to their leaders about it – we all need all the help & support we can get & we need folks like you ex BSSM speaking into it as there is much opposition & disbelief that we are serious about what we have to say…

    I know coming out of a very bethelized church (UK) that the falseness gets planted in your heart in such a way… that everything you ever were taught you question on a deep inside level when the scales begin to fall from the eyes – we were in doubt, disbelief & shock about a lot of things including ourselves as people- it produces a kind of disquiet swimmy feeling – we have so been there my friend..

    the only antidote to this is get thoroughly grounded in the Word of God… it is the only thing we can trust to speak the truth to us…..


  8. @ Lost- I know how it is to FEEL lost, even though we know God has our lives in His hands. It is difficult to be told “just” do such and such and it will all be good, but the scriptures tell us to bear one another’s burdens, so there must be burdens the believer will bear, and as M’Kayla said, we weep with those who weep.

    There is a song called the Silence of God that says “What about the times when even followers get lost?” Of course this is poetic license, as Jesus never loses one who is His, but we understand there are times of great loss, and in those times we remember we have a Redeemer who knew great sorrow, and sees our sorrow.

    The song goes on to say:

    And the man of all sorrows
    He never forgot
    What sorrow is carried
    By the hearts that He bought
    So when the questions dissolve
    Into the silence of God
    The aching may remain
    But the the breaking does not
    The aching may remain
    But the the breaking does not
    In the holy, lonesome echo
    Of the silence of God

    Songs are not scripture, but this song supports what the Bible tells us. He knows, and in some unmeasurable way, as we lean on Him, cry out to Him, He heals us. No pat answers, here. “Just” a Holy God Who sees all and comforts us in ways we cannot explain. Hold on, brother.


    • Thanks again for the very kind thoughts. They mean a lot to me and are very helpful. I keep getting to those points where I feel as though God is filling the void, that I’m really developing a connection, but then I get taken down hard again (like right now). Except now I’m not getting angry at God. I just continue to ask for more closeness. I don’t know if I mentioned it specifically, but old friends were really just former friends and were so for a reason. So I’m very, very alone for very long stretches of time.

      Some good news is that after weeks of church-hopping, I found a church that I’ve connected with in a big way. Last night I actually went to their men’s group — I NEVER thought I would have any interest in such a thing as my nature seems to be more aligned with females. Wow, what a great group of guys! Very kind, understanding, and willing to help in any way they can. They even appreciated something that I’ve grown to just not mention to anyone: I want my wife and family back. This is not out of the realm of possibility, so I will allow that it may happen. What people just can’t understand is that I forgive my wife for her affair. She was weak and the man was an opportunist who took advantage of that. He’s now gone back to his family after she’s destroyed hers and she’s left miserable, jobless, and with very resentful children. She’s hurting and I love her. She’s going through her own trials and she could very well come out of it wondering what she’s done and seeing that nothing is greater than family. God has a way of knocking down the proud and stubborn among us. The father of her children loves her deeply and she has the opportunity to try again with a newfound appreciation for how wonderful her family really was, and how much more valuable it is than money.

      I’ve had so many people let me know in different ways that there must be something wrong with me for wanting her back after what she’s done. I say there’s something RIGHT with me: I love deeply and I’m willing to forgive those I love most.

      It’s in her court and in God’s court. I can’t know his will, but I can pray that family wins over idolatry, adultery, and divorce. I accept that it may not happen so I won’t put my life on hold for it. But I can pray.

      Thank you so much!!!


      • (not) Lost,
        That is beautiful! I look forward to updates from you. The Lord is with us even when people are not, even family members.

        Blessings and peace to you in Christ.


  9. Hi M’Kayla !! I would like to ask you a couple question… can i have your e-mail? (my post has nothing to do with the post talked about in here…im just trying to get in contact with you)


  10. M’Kayla,
    I just left my church days ago. I was on the worship team and resigned.. I feel so alone… My church heavily embraces Bill Johnson, John paul jackson etc. All the songs we sing are Jesus culture and hillsong.. We regularly have prayer tunnels, treasure hunting, etc… I am so broken hearted because I left people that I care about and doing what I loved.. So angry at all this false stuff that has infiltrated nearly every church in my area…


    • lissette, I know, how well WE know what you are going through. be ever so thankful during this time that The Lord brought you out. He will show you the way and give you peace. Pray about the next step which could be to reveal their error and give them warning. Feel free to vent here, or ask questions…whatever you need.

      I will pray for you.


  11. Hi all,

    Thank you M’Kayla for starting up this website/ blog…just reading through a few comments and I am grateful that I’m not the only one who thinks this new age/ hype/ signs & wonders (what are we actually “wondering” about?!) movement just doesn’t feel right and does not align to scripture.

    I’ll be honest- I don’t know my Bible like I should, but sanctification takes a lifetime so it’s all good, Jesus is showing me daily as I commit to reading and praying to Him.

    A bit of background to my church situation. We have gone to our church for around 3 yrs now, my brother is the head pastor at our church and my husband’s brother is the associate pastor. For 2 yrs or so my brother has been reading/ following and harping on about Bethel church, Bill Johnson and the like…the fact that we should all be wanting “more of God” and giving ourselves over to the possibility of miracles in our daily lives. To that I say its all just pressure, give me solid teaching telling me how to get through the ‘everyday’ and teach me about what Jesus says…stop quoting scripture out of context and think that just because it happened back then it can happen now…we are told to “name it and CLAIM IT”….sighhh…. 😦

    I am very frustrated, confused and can’t shake this sadness that has been over me for awhile now. When I think back, Jesus has been trying to speak to me for probably over a yr about this movement and that its just not right. I thank Him that my husband and I are finally looking into things for ourselves and digging through scripture.

    I have loyalty issues because I don’t want to hurt both my brother and brother in- law by us leaving the church, I know that if its truly the will of God our departure will be done in love and peace, but I still have reservations even speaking to them about anything because I know what the response will be.

    Lisette I feel for you and will pray you find a church home and that God confirms that is where you are meant to be! “But if you suffer because you are a “Christ- follower”, don’t be ashamed. You should praise God for that name” 1 Peter 4:16 ERV.

    Prayer would be great as we try and work things out, it is getting pretty obvious where Jesus is leading us and it doesn’t look like it will be where we are now. Btw, our church is located in Australia… this movement is widespread, scary stuff!

    Thanks πŸ™‚


    • Remember that Christ said he did not come to bring peace, but a sword and that there would be division amongst families. painful as it is, we must remember who the Messiah is, the One we follow!

      You are in good company!


  12. @Confused, so many of us understand what you are going through. “Loyalty” was a big topic in the church I left behind. Any questioning about the hyper-faith teachings, or teachers, were considered the same as dis-loyal behavior; breaking covenant. But we know Who deserves our true loyalty. Thank God your husband is willing to look at these teachings and compare them to scripture. I’m glad you are not in conflict with your spouse. Some sisters/brothers are, and that is doubly heartbreaking.

    I have to echo what M’Kayla said, ready yourselves for the possibility of it not being a peaceful exit. I wouldn’t assume peacefulness is the prerequisite for an exit. It may be peaceful – I hope for your sakes it is- but these false teachings can make people fiercely defensive about their favorite teachers/authors.


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