Another Absence

A couple of years ago, I wrote On the Suffering of Violence. I knew something was up when I wrote that, though I did not realize the seriousness of the situation at the time. It is true that we are better off not knowing the future because if we did we spend that many more sleepless nights trying to plan what is not ours to define. I had no idea of the seriousness of the words that I heard that day two years ago. Everything about my life has changed. I won’t go into details, some would curse me, others would understand and I have no time to waste in the explanation or defense of the near ruin of my life. I can only say that God has stood with me, has never left me to want or need. And in the many years of pain and heartache I have found Him to be true in ways words cannot define.

I apologize that I have been away again, leaving comments without approval. This morning I read some comments that shook me, some gave me chills, some I deleted. I am amazed at the way the Lord has used my horrendous life to help others. I count it an honor and all glory goes to Him.

Last month, finding myself near a breakdown, I took a much needed vacation to visit family and friends in Reno. During that time I very strongly felt a call from the Lord to move. So, I did just that.

So my friends, hello from Reno. God bless you all and give you peace.

32 thoughts on “Another Absence

  1. M’Kayla,
    He is faithful! I reblogged one of your Sozo posts, very helpful, worried about some folks I love. My friend used to say, “Hang on to Jesus,” and that means even hanging on by grabbing His ankle if that’s all we have strength for. Hang in there. He is strong where we are very very weak.


  2. Hi M’Kayla and welcome back!
    Thank you once again for everything you shared with us on this blog.
    It’s been a great help!
    Be blessed πŸ™‚


  3. Thank you for sharing M’Kayla. These are times when many of us are being sifted and shaken and tried to the very end of ourselves. I am at that point myself. As you say, God knows the details and He is the only One Who has the answers.


  4. Welcome, Sis. I live in Sparks. There is much warfare here with the casinos, prostitution, drinking, strip clubs, billboard signs of nearly naked women tempting men to come to the shows, poverty, gangs and violence, and lastly the corruption of churches with pentecostalism, charismania, WoF, easy believism, salvation by works, and even Bill Johnson’s Bethel made it out here to a women’s outreach called, “His Way Women’s Ministries”… Heidi Baker recently made an appearance to them. I’m glad you are here and will pray for your healing. I know God is with you. I wish I were so strong. I’m constantly battling the enemy’s lies that I’m not saved. Christ is my righteousness and He is yours. God bless you dear child of the Most High God.


  5. I’m so glad you are back. Since I am following your blog I wondered where you went. From Jewel’s comment, it sounds like you have more challenges than we have in Hot Springs. A few years ago, Hot Springs, Arkansas was found to have the most violent crime record, per capita, in the country. Our local racetrack has just gotten approval from the City Board to double the size of its casino. A group of local Christians called the Watchmen of Garland county is trying to slow the growth of the Casino industry. It is not an easy task. But, we keep on trying to counter their moves through prayer and community action.

    I understand a bit of what you have experienced. I went through a very difficult time several years ago. I’ll never understand exactly what caused my painful period. They have come and gone over the years. I do know that God used those times to help me trust Him more.

    I pray that you find a nice quiet place to recuperate in Reno.

    God’s blessings…


  6. I recently heard a story about the 2nd World War. The war had actually ended and people had stopped fighting on the mainland in Burma. However, the troops on both sides were continuing to fight the battle on the surrounding islands. Skirmishes with no results. My point? The war is over, Jesus said ‘it is finished’ The enemy is defeated!!! Don’t be depressed by things going on around you, they are just skirmishes, pray as you go certainly, but put everything at the foot of the Cross, study Scripture until you have no other thoughts in your head, so that every time you come across something of the enemy you have a ready Scripture for it. Yes there are a lot of false teachings, that was prophesied in the Bible, yes we are weak but we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, we have the victory in Christ, yes we all have daily trials, speak God’s Word into EVERYTHING. Resolve to never speak anything negative. Don’t say things like ‘my feet are killing me’ because they are not killing you, rather say ‘thank you JESUS that by your stripes I am healed, my feet are healed’ There is power in the words that you speak positive or ……..negative. God spoke everything into existence in Genesis I encourage you to use that example for the words you speak daily.
    Try to tune in to the Spirit Word Channel, Prophet Kobus van Rensburg. The man is a walking Bible and has totally changed the way I look at the world. How refreshing to find a man like this who does not compromise the Word in an way.
    Be blessed as you go forward into all the promises of God….yes and amen.


    • Delia, I will agree with and do appreciate most everything you have said here. However, I won’t agree with the idea that our words have power to change. Maybe you are not aware but this type of teaching, known as word of faith, comes from the law of attraction, having nothing to do with biblical teaching. God is the one who spoke everything into existence, yes, but we do not share in that same power or ability. To believe such is to claim to be like God, which we are not. It is the same ideology that caused Lucifer his fall. These ideas play into our flesh. Please prayerfully reconsider your theology in this area. You will find information and conversation regarding WOF throughout my blog, as it was the core belief system which played into the deception that I was once a part of too.

      Feel free to chat…


      • Dear Friend In Christ,

        I agree whole heartedly and I too suffered under the WOF And this whole thing about speaking things into existence stems from The New Age teachings of the occult world.

        I know some of the word of faith doctrines sound good but it is because they appeal to the flesh and not the spirit of Christ Jesus.

        May I suggest you do some research and please take our advice. There are deceptive spirits behind the doctrines of the WOF. It almost destroyed my life and those around me and also be careful of those who call themselves prophets. No true prophet of God ever called him or herself a prophet in the bible.

        In Christ Jesus,



  7. God’s blessings on you, M’K. I feel like He’s led you into Sodom and Gomorrah – and for a reason. Whatever’s going on, know that you’ve too many friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, who will be covering you in prayer. (Wish I could flip ahead a few chapters.)


  8. You are and have always been a huge inspiration! I pray that your healing be complete and congratulations on your move… exciting!!!


  9. Hello Again,

    Good to see that you are back and active again. Reading your posts really helped me after almost losing my mind listening to some of these Word of Faith people.

    I would like to encourage you to continue on with the truth. It helped me and I’m sure it is helping others as well.

    God Bless


  10. You are all so wonderful, your words, thoughts, love and PRAYERS mean more to me than I can begin to explain. Not all of what has happened is bad, God is good to us and I have learned more of His mercy and grace in the last couple of weeks than I ever have in my life. I believe that I was living under the enemy’s condemnation without even realizing. I am thankful for this experience and for the freedom the Lord has given me. I will never stop reaching out to the lost and deceived – to death, if necessary. I know you all stand with me in Christ. Praise Him!


  11. Delia,

    M’Kayla is spot on about WOF teachings. Here is a documentary that gives Biblical reasons why one should be very careful about the teachings of these folks:

    God’s blessings…


  12. Hi Mkayla, —thought of you all summer and been in prayer for you and all I could think of, because I suspected many more of God’s people have been suffering just as much as I have. Something happened to me beginning in April. The only way I know to describe it is that it’s as if a switch went off in my brain.
    I’ve kept a journal since then, documenting it all, but I began noticing that it was cyclic. For two weeks out of a month, I became deathly sick—-severe nausea, vomiting, severe, deep depression, tremors, anxiety, debilitating hot flashes, night sweats, loss of appetite, severe insomnia, etc.
    Crops were being sprayed with pesticides all around our home and I did research and found out they contained hormone disruptors. Blood work showed my estrogen level became extremely high from the xenoestrogens in the environment. This is the fallen world we live in, but for the past 2 months I’ve been slowly recovering by using Progesterone cream and some other things God has lead me to.
    But all thru this sickness, I’ve continued to write for the local paper and have truly felt the hand of the Lord upon me, carrying me thru. I’ve not blogged for months, but hope to get back to it soon, God willing.
    You’ve not been alone Mkayla. I’m so glad to hear from you again and hang in there.

    1 Pet.5: 9-11 “knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren (and sisters) that are in the world. But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. To Him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.”


  13. Delia,

    Don’t be spooked by what you find out. They will try and pursuade you otherwise, but you hold in to The Cross of Christ Jesus ! AND Wnat HE DID FOR US AT THE CROSS”

    He defeated all the powers of darkness and everything that will ever come against you but YOU BUT YOU must put your faith entirely in HIM and the Work He Accomoplished at the Cross!

    The Cross of Christ IS YOUR ANSWER! It’s that simple.


    With All My Love In Chrst Jesus!,

    Douglas Dunes


  14. M’Kayla, I love your site, but I haven’t logged on in a looong time. (I just created one of my own a couple days ago after lots of prayer and wallah I stumble on to yours, again.) I commented on your page a couple years ago, a couple of years after my AHA moment. I had told you about going to the pastor with the information I had been studying and him wanting me to teach a class on false teachers. I would be shocked if you remembered, lol. Let me tell you, EVERYTHING crashed around me after God opened my eyes, originally. Your absence and violence comment just hit me in my stomach with a strong need to reach out to you. I can’t find a way to email you, so I will just air my past leaving out the violence part. My marriage spiraled and crashed (we got divorced), my kids were lost, we lost everything financially (market crash)… I moved away and started over. I look back and PRAISE GOD for every single detail of that nasty time. God not only restored everything, He restored it 100-fold. What satan meant to destroy us, God has been using for an absolutely amazing journey. My husband and I were IMPOSSIBLE to fix (neither of us wanted fixing, either), talk about the spirit of oppression…. we should have a Lifetime movie about us as bad as it was, but God restored us and it doesn’t even make sense how awesome we are. God restored us in every area and gave us one heck of a testimony in the mean time. We have had marriages at our home, we council couples, we now have foster kids, you name it… I could go on and on… but more importantly I know He knows your pain. He knows your obedience. He knows your strength. He holds every tear, every thought, every question mark… and I know He has MUCH BIGGER things ahead for you! I praise God with you for what’s ahead and I pray for your strength in whatever changes and attacks you are going through, right now. I just read this morning Ephesians 6…. regarding the ultimate protection with His armor, but what JUMPS out right now, is 6:16…… take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. You are being used by God again and again, what a beautiful thing!!!!! You have a cheering section down south! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€


  15. Dear Delia,

    Also remember that Jesus atoned for all sin at the Cross. He paid the ultimate price FOR US.

    We are not litte gods. We do not have the authority to call things into existence; this is what the occult teaches and the new age law of attraction that has been expressed in such books as “The Secret”.

    We have been given auhority over demon spirits but not over people.

    There is a lot of mind control and manipulation in the WOF MOVEMENT which IS A HERESEY and their teachings are doctrines of devils.

    The answers you are seeking are found ONLY in The Cross of Christ!

    If you are in need you go to God and ASK HIM. He is the one who makes it all happen. We are nothing without Him.

    Jesus said”Without me, you can do nothing.”

    We Have not because we ASK NOT.

    NOT: we have not because we fail to command it to be and it will be!

    Ask and ye shall receive!

    With all my love in Christ Jesus,



  16. Delia,

    I will be praying for you that God will lift the veil of deception and bring you understanding and peace about this.

    Don’t be embarassed because you believed something that wasn’t true because we have all here expereinced deception as well.

    Look to “The Cross”


  17. Also remember Delia,

    Jesus atoned for ALL sin AT THE CROSS. The Cross of Christ is your answer.

    The answer you seek is in The Cross of Christ. The answers you are looking for are found ONLY In The Cross of Christ!

    I am praying for you that yours eyes will be opened and the veil of deception lifted.

    Don’t be embarassed. We all here have experinced and believed some sort of deception at one time or another.

    Pray and ask God to show you the truth.

    The truth is not always easy to accept but IT WILL SET YOU FREE!

    Jesus said”You will know the truth and the TRUTH will set you free!”

    With All my Love In Christ Jesus



    • Hi Douglas, thank you so much for your concern. However, know that I am firmly rooted in the Cross of Christ and have had many questions and reservations about things seen and heard but sometimes it takes a while to gain clarity and slot everything into place. Among a variety of questions I have had, one of the things about Kobus van Rensburg that has been a red flag for me, is the fact that in recent weeks he has been critically ill with a recurrence of leukemia to the point where he hasn’t been able to preach. I do not accept anything anyone says unless I research in the Word and am convinced that what I hearing is Truth. I have come to realise that the thing that fooled me about Kobus was the fact that he appeared to have such extensive knowledge of the Word, but recently picked up a few things which sounded not quite right and I made a note to check.

      I have walked a long and difficult road in my personal life and Jesus has walked with me all the way and I would never accept anything I was not sure about, however there is so much out there it takes a while to get through it all.

      Know that my eyes and heart are always open to any deception and I am not afraid to reject anything I learn in error.

      yours in Christ Jesus


  18. M’kayla, I’ve been “absent” from the blogging world, too. A move, new job, etc. have needed my attention and not left time for blogging, but I wanted you to know I’ve been reading your blog still, and hope you are settling in your new home. I think we try to figure out why things sometimes get so hard, and the answer can vary, but thank the Lord He has promised to never leave us. Sometimes it’s just as simple as that.


    • hello untangling. Been wondering about you as I seem to have lost contact with the blogging world. I am where you are too, new home, looking for work. I never expected to be here but it is what it is. Good to hear from you! xoxox much love.


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